Listen to Lead
Leadership Listening Takeaways:
Authentic listening encourages constructive communication
Empathetic listening helps build and develop relationships
Active listening is a critical problem-solving skill
Deep listening is vital to high-performance
Big Ears In Jazz
Jazz masters Ron Carter and Benny Golson at one of our Red Rooster/Ginny’s Supper Club shows, February 22, 2014.
Deep listening is a critical part of performing in a jazz ensemble. The improvisational nature of jazz requires that each musician listen closely to be able to respond appropriately. The jazz term for this skill is called having “Big Ears” – the ability to listen well – in an empathetic, even generative way. A musician with “Big Ears” can hear the form of a song, the chord progression type, and can shift quickly when an ensemble member pivots or does something unexpected.
Listening deeply to their follow musicians, each band member can lay in the pocket (the groove), adjust to the mood, and stay in the collaborative, co-creative flow of high-performance. Jazz musicians are also skilled in non-verbal communication – nods, facial expressions, gestures – to give direction, build trust, and develop high levels of cooperation.
Spiritual leader Michael Beckwith recently told a story that brilliantly illustrates this at its highest level: jazz grandmasters Miles Davis and Charlie Parker (Bird) walked in Paris in total silence for an hour. When the walk ended, Miles turned to Bird and said, “That just about says it all, doesn’t it?”. Indeed.
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
–Peter Drucker
Developing Leadership Through Deep Listening
Deep listening is one of the key skills of high-level leadership. Deep listening signals to others that you value their contributions, opinions, and ideas, which goes a long way to building trust and authentic relationships. If we view listening as a gift of time, then listening becomes as precious as time itself.
Listening deeply and carefully is not always easy. It is a skill that needs to be cultivated and practiced consistently. The thoughts in our brains happen much faster than the words we hear, so it’s easy to get side-tracked and place our attention elsewhere. Heightened listening can lessen conflicts, improve the flow of information, decrease mistakes, and strengthen communication.
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
–Dalai Lama
Listening well is a gift of time and attention. This might seem to be an obvious statement (at least the attention part), but isn’t it amazing how often people barely or half-listen to those attempting to communicate with them? An effective leader is intentional about listening, which means avid focus and presence. How much of a conversation or discussion you can actually recall when you walk away is a testament to how deliberate you are with your time and attention.
Listen to learn rather than to fix. In many instances, as we listen, we are formulating a response to solve, take care of, or mitigate the issue at hand. We have a solution that we’re usually eager to put right into the mix. The person needs us to solve the problem for them, right? Not necessarily. They may just need you to listen, without interjecting your thoughts and ideas.
“There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your turn to talk.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Asking questions to understanding more deeply. How many ways can true listening improve your relationships? Exponentially — when you ask questions. Posing questions not only indicates that you are listening intently but shows a genuine interest in what is being said. Your questions can confirm and expand your understanding, giving the speaker confidence that they are truly being heard and respected.
Listening with the person’s best self as the springboard. Assumptions and judgments can come very easily if we aren’t mindful of how we are listening and responding. When you’re listening with empathy and a desire to fully understand what is being said – you are putting that person first. If you listen to the person communicating with you with their very best self, in mind and heart, your attitude, receptivity, and responses will reflect that, and be felt.
And Then a Whisper
At a recent creativity workshop, we were instructed to share one of our assignment experiences with our partners. We paired off, starting sharing, but the instructor said “stop.” She told us to whisper to our partner. Really? We didn’t understand why but followed her prompt. We found ourselves leaning in and listening with concentrated attention, so we didn’t miss any of what was said. Whispering brought a deeper level of engagement because we had to put more effort into making sure we heard everything. A deeper vibration in our chests and resonance in our tone meant a more intimate connection.
Maybe we should put the same effort in our conversations, even when we don’t whisper.
On a final note, sometimes it’s just good to listen first, speak last, and if need be, whisper.
