Honoring Berkeley Kinch, Family Patriarch
Two days ago, my father-in-law, Berkeley Kinch, was laid to rest in his birthplace of Barbados. He was 90.
In the decades that I had the honor and pleasure of knowing him, I gained the deepest respect for his integrity as the patriarch of his family, for his steadfast faith through life’s tumultuous ups and downs, for his quiet dignity, for his patient deliberation, for his attention to detail and incredible work ethic, for his mentorship not only of his children but for extended family members such as cousin Tony Munro and my brother-in-law Sylvanus, for his love of his daughter-in-law Jenn Kinch and his grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and for his warm smile and unique expressions. He and his wife Merline, Jewel’s mom and the matriarch of the family, were married for 63 years.
Berkeley and Merline Kinch, celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary during a family cruise
What follows is the eulogy, written by Jewel, in collaboration with her sister Sonya and brother Derek. At the homegoing service, I read the first part, Jewel the second.
Eulogy for Berkeley Kinch
Greg:
At ninety years young, Dad led a full life, sustained by his deep faith and strong sense of purpose. A devoted family man, he worked diligently to provide for his wife and children–nothing was more important than family.
As a master carpenter and builder, Dad approached all he did with precision and deliberation. He would not tolerate sloppiness or disregard for doing something well. Taking pride in what you do and how you do it, was central to who he was and how he approached life. A life lesson he demonstrated and repeated to us time and again.
Dad was an entrepreneur at heart—making his way around the globe as he continued to develop his craft and skills: Barbados, London,Toronto, and New York. Here in Barbados, he supervised the construction of the Government Headquarters, Cumbermere School, and the Quarantine Station at the Garrison. He built bridges in South Wales and Brooklyn. He studied to become an architect, working on many building projects in New York, including Pace University. He was well respected for his expertise and the high quality of his work.
Dad was a shining example of a man guided by abiding values of integrity and honesty. You knew exactly where he stood because he never veered from his principles. You could depend on him to remain true to his words and actions. The strength of his convictions helped guide and steer us in our effort to do as well as we could—we didn’t want to disappoint him. He was lovingly strict and not influenced by modern trends because he believed that children needed to be “pulled up” periodically to ensure that they developed into good adults. Sonya and Jewel had strict dating rules; in fact, he told Sonya, with a straight face, that she couldn’t date until she was 35 years old.
During his lifetime dad helped a lot of people—with no great fanfare—as long as he had the ability to, for it was the right thing to do. He wanted to see you succeed and made you feel that all you needed to do was put in the time and effort. Derek will tell you that Dad stayed up with him all night, on a computer programming project, which Dad knew nothing about, but still wanted to give support.
Jewel:
Our father was a kind, gentle soul whose disposition was always peaceful and welcoming. Forever thoughtful and measured, he almost never raised his voice, yet there was a certain command that made you pay attention and appreciate the lesson you knew was coming.
He was a great teacher, stressing how important it was to educate yourself so you could be and do your best. He would point out and explain why something needed to be a certain way and how to get it accomplished. In a firm, supportive manner, he would walk you through each step so you would understand how to get it done yourself. Even if that meant learning our new math through his mental arithmetics—because using a calculator was not the best for your brain, he’d say.
He was a beautiful human being who we love dearly and will miss terribly.
Anyone who knew him well knows that while he was a man of few words; they were often colorful, creative, and would make us laugh:
When something was not going right, we’d hear “Dog bite a horse leg.”
His way of stating that someone was lacking in character was “Son of a dog nose.”
When something seemed ridiculous, he’d call it “monkey foolishness.”
“God Bless my two shoes” was said when something was surprising or trying his patience.
We thank you all for your kind words and support. We want to express our heartfelt thanks to four people in particular, who were an important part of our dad’s care over the past couple of years—nurses Sherrol Nelson and Rhonda Waithe, family friend John Hurdle, and cousin Gordon Eversley.
And the pearl of wisdom whenever he said goodbye at the end of a conversation was: “Watch your step and keep looking up!”
We will forever be looking up to you, dad.
Although Jewel and I both had been married previously, and were mature adults, my respect for her parents led me to symbolically ask them for her hand in marriage. In fact, after they affirmed their agreement, mom Merline and I conspired together, going to Zale’s to get an engagement ring for Jewel, so I could pop the question during our first trip together on a Caribbean cruise.
That’s why this image of Jewel and my father-in-law Berkeley Kinch, walking down the aisle to where Rev. Dr. James Forbes Jr. and I stood waiting, is forever imprinted in my mind, on the day we were married fourteen years ago.
Now that Jewel’s dad has joined the ancestors, the poignancy of the moment is even greater.
