Gay Marriage and the Speech That Changed My Mind

When struggling over a complex issue, I’ve had occasions where something or someone gave me a lightning bolt of clarity. In the case of same-sex marriage, it was a chance online viewing of a speech by a local politician in 2009 that transported me from confusion to conviction.

Growing up a Christian in the Afro-American church was the religious foundation of my hesitancy. On one hand, marriage was supposed to be between a man and a woman—period. On the other, gay and lesbian folks were welcomed, on the quiet tip, in leadership roles for the choir and other church music, which is central to the black American sacred religious experience writ large.

My indecision about same-sex marriage wasn’t because of homophobia, or at least I hope not: my favorite uncle was gay, and several gay neighbors in the Harlem building I lived in were friends and confidantes. I believed then and now that what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is their business. But marriage equality as public policy?

I was torn. I wasn’t alone. I recall Barack Obama’s evolution in his public stance on same-sex marriage, from equivocation to a clear declaration in favor.

Former NY state senator Diane Savino

Six years before the Supreme Court gave its imprimatur to same-sex marriage equality in 2015, a NY state senator, Diane Savino (D-North Shore/Brooklyn), spoke in support of a bill regarding gay marriage in New York State. She explained that the vote wasn’t about politics but about fairness and equality. Savino shared personal stories and argued that the government should not determine the validity of people's relationships. She also addressed concerns about religious institutions and the sanctity of marriage, arguing that allowing gay marriage does not threaten these institutions. Savino concluded by expressing her hope that the bill will pass and that society can learn from the commitment and love of gay couples.

Her address didn’t persuade her colleagues that day, but she turned the tide for me in less than 10 minutes. Savino’s personal, professional, and political leadership made a difference in my moral reckoning, and for that, I remain grateful, especially since she recently retired from her role as a state senator.

I invite you to watch her speech—now translated into 72 languages—for yourself.